hey so how are you?

"Hello,
How have you been? Good.
Oh me, I've been here and there. My wife, shes great, she actually got a promotion.
Music? no i don't do that anymore, that's something i did when i was a child.
Veganism? no how foolish of me, animals don't feel anything, how could i be so naive
God? yes, I'm a christian now, I've found my way with Christ, and i feel its the only way.
Straight Edge? No, i quit that, i enjoy a drink here and there, and some meth....it helps me unwind, but I've also became what i hate, i beat my children and neglect them....
I Love my life now.. This is all ways what i wanted....."

i never want to be this person, and it seem like everyone wants me to be this person.
i will never love
i will never give up my love for music
i will live compassionately for mother earths animals
i will not pray to a false idol, who corrupts and rapes the beautiful people of this earth
i will never fall victim to the drugs of youth and adults, and become what Ive hated all my life.

i will never be like him, i will never neglect those who love. i will all ways care, i will all ways love, i will all ways understand.

ill never fucking be like him
ill be a better man.

Fuck you C.P.M

With all the hate and resentment in my hollow body
your son
-C.M.M

"title"

Retracing my foot steps through this hollow life
I've yet to come to terms with my regrets
and understanding my greatest failures have been the fault of only my own
in this constant quarrel of love and life
this temperamental faith is wallowing away

Through my constant trial and error
i find a place to call my own
a place where i can rest,breathe and live in solitude
were i find my place, among the weak, the barren and apathetic
this place is dark, but yea through this thick black haze
i find my ever-guiding light
finally...finally I've found my place..among the shadows

Forget me

i know youve drempt about me
i know youve wondered
i know those deep dreams are shrouded with images of me
me and you.....

The truth is...
Once we wake up, We Forget

Forget me

Glaze

a sincere...familiar glaze covers my eyes
remining me off far off places....
constantly seeing through these eyes, ive found everything is a lie
love
lust
happiness
sadness

i sit staring back at a hollow shell of a body
sitting idle as a lifetime of majesty flashes past the glaze
as i gaze into a reflection, time slowly seeps through
and i fade away, reminiscing of a life once meant to live

eventually finding to "live" is another means to an end
another route of failure....

Aretê

Aretê

wandering alone in a barren desert
dragging behind me a bleak shadow of what i could have been
dreaming of past nightmares once heavinly occasions

timid sun rays beat against my face
as the harsh wind blows, reminding me of a far better time and place
harsh brown earth underneath is as dry as my emotions
waiting for the spring shower to wash away my austere surface layer

idle and weary from a lifetimes hoplessness
i wait for the seasons end
i wait for the sky to change, i wait for this drought to be over
i wander this barren desolate wasteland for a sense of former clarity
to find large open spaces, and far off places
that i will never reach
in this landscape or the next

Idle Mind

this night is so boring
the emotion lay stagnate on the floor
what was once a flowing beast of current
is not a dried up, barren place of lifelessness

warm brisk air crashes against my featureless face
dirt clog's the empty void where my eyes once lay
i cannot see
i cannot hear
and for these reasons
i will be the most content i have ever been

i cannot see your face
i cannot hear your words
i cannot have a false sense of security
i will allways stand idle....alone
yet never happier, because the only person to let me down
is my own..cold, lifeless and idle mind...

Beauty

how beautifull it is
how fond the lie
how deep the emotion

truly seeking through acts of kidness
blinded by the sunburst of beauty
in the deepest depths i scrape nothing
to find that mild shard of self worth
comes up as a terrible stench of mediocrity

relieve my hate
retreat my love
this time i hope i get it right
this time will be not be like last time

everything has changed
the world constatnly swirling around me
yet i stand idle
yet i stand alone with the thoughts of what could have been....

Loathe

hopeless intent
inner turmoil and constant discontent
i once saw a light
just as fast as to be seen
it faded like the dawn

as the darkness creeps into me
so does my shallow false hope
constantly dragging my aspirations on the ground
to find my aspirations arent worth the soil they are dragged on

once i find the light
my fire
i will burn once again
until that day
i will stay the cold,dry ash that i am, and allways will be